Retooling -- a smattering of thoughts.

A week ago in chapel, Psalm 90 was the topic of choice. The verse that stuck out to me was 12, "Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."
I think it stuck out to me for a couple of reasons:
1. I am always seeking wisdom.
2. As of late I have been playing out in my head what my 5-year plan looks like. Or what I think it might look like.

I always make plans, always, and sometimes, when those plans are also God's plans, those plans happen. I don't think that I shouldn't make plans. I like to think ahead. However I've learned that I can't be too disappointed when something doesn't go as planned, because it just means God has something better in mind that I can't see yet. Usually in the middle or end of the plan, or even after the plan, I see why it is better.

Anyway, I've been thinking about a five year plan, because in five years, I will be 30 (actually, just over 4 years, but I don't want to feel rushed). There are things that I want to have accomplished, or at least started to accomplish by the time I was 30.

I don't think that verse 12 is exactly talking about doing everything you wanted to do by the time you reach a certain age. I think it's more about realizing that we aren't going to be around (not in this life) forever, life is frail, God is eternal, we are a vapor, etc etc etc. But in realizing that I won't be around forever, in fact I don't know how long I will be around (I've always assumed lower 100's, but I could be wrong), I also realize that there's only a short time here on earth to accomplish all the goals we have before we kick the bucket (no, I have not yet seen the Bucket List).

In thinking of this five year plan, I began to realize that somethings in life could not take turns. For instance, we have committed to being in Lithuania until spring of 2010. If I wait until Fall of 2010 to start seminary, then I won't finish until spring of 2012. If we wait until Fall of 2012 to start a family, then I will already be 30, and I always thought I'd've already started a family by the time I was 27-28. We've already decided that we probably won't start a family in Lithuania, unless God is thinking differently (ie, within the next two years, or if God wants us to stay longer). I've already have more on my plate than I can eat (all good foods in and of themselves, just foods I never dreamed of eating), so being in seminary right now would not be something I could fit in. It's like the dessert. I'm thinking about it all through the meal, but when I'm not looking, something else gets put on my plate, and I can't move on to desert without cleaning my plate. Except it's not like dessert at all. It's the meat and potatoes. I want it to be meat and potatoes.

Which brings me to my next thought, also having to do with Psalm 90. Last Sunday in church, the topic of choice was also Psalm 90 (only a semi-coincidence). This time the focus was verse 17, "May the favor of the Lord rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us -- yes, establish the work of our hands."

We were given 4 questions to answer. The first three should've been easier to answer than the fourth. But (and I'm not really surprised), I answered the fourth quickly, and struggled through the first three.

I'll list the questions here:

1. What are the tools currently in your hands that give you your identity? Or...what are the physical means through which you might leave your legacy? (specific personality traits, physical characteristics, tools of your trade, etc)

2. Describe how God might answer the prayer "Establish the work of our hands" in your life. What legacy or meaningful mark do you, individually want to leave behind?

3. The language of Psalm 90 is communal -- everything is written in plural. Thinking of verse 17 in a communal context, what might your goals be for the larger group to which you belong? What work would you like to see God establish there?

4. If God asked you to release the tools of your identity (specific personality traits, physical characteristics, tools of your trade, etc) in order to be "re-tooled" or "re-shaped" by Him, what might this process look like in your life?

The reason why it was so easy to answer 4 is because I think I'm in it. God must be retooling me for something. Because the food on my plate, while I'm able to eat it, I just can't stop thinking about the food that could currently be on my plate. The food I dream about. The food that, if I were eating it right now, would enable me to more thouroughly answer questions 1-3. I was able to answer those first three, but not as completely as I would like.

How is the five year plan looking? Have I (tentatively) moved anything around? I am seriously considering applying to seminary for the Fall of 2009, and studying long-long-distance. This should not come as a surprise, it is on my list of things to do for 2008, a list I made months ago.

This post was longer than I thought it would be. Hence the title with the word "smattering" in it (when I wrote the title, I thought it would a short post).
Thanks to the 2 people who read all the way to the end. Pray for me.